Yip, it’s that time of the month.  My hormones are raging and it has never felt better to be a woman.  How nice it is to finally be able to walk down the street and not have anyone stare at my beasts.  Those new groggy glasses are really working ladies.  Men finally watch porn 24/7 and never need to ogle us any longer!  Success.

The best part about our new found freedoms is that women no longer are bringing other women down.  Envy and jealousy are no more.  3011 will be the year that women finally rule the world and peace among the masses will end all wars!

Ok, I am sure by now you know that “I’m just goofing around that’s all.”

Cathy Jones as Babe Bennet

I know it may seem that I am taking a comedic stance and laughing in the face of humanity.  Trust me, I am not laughing on the inside.  On the inside, I am pissed right off!

Men are still staring at my breasts and groggy glasses are not real.  Not yet anyway.  Stare away gentlemen, but don’t dare try and think you have the right to touch them.  Misogyny, rape, degradation, sexism are still alive and well.  Sex is no longer fun and some humans still believe it is okay to hurt other humans for ridiculous reasons.

“She was wearing high heels your honour, she was asking for it!”

So in an effort to try and forget about all the “arseholes” in the world I am breaking out the whip cream and maple syrup.

I whip my own cream

That’s right I am making myself a lovely breakfast and I am going to lick the sticky maple off myself.  Now, now.   I am only licking it off my fingers, don’t go thinking anything shocking!  See, you were thinking something naughty.  And you know what, that’s ok.  I am just having some fun.  I don’t want to hurt anyone in my celebration of my decadent breakfast.

I am very sad that we all can’t just love ourselves more.  Sex has become such a terrible weapon. And I am tired of it.  I think sex is wonderful.  It’s sad that we also have to remind folks that sex also has to be consensual.  Is’t that common sense though?  Apparently not!  East Coast Lifestyle will have to start a new t-shirt that says “If I am wearing this shirt than NO I don’t want to be raped.”  Was that too harsh?  Not harsh enough it seems.

This month I am taking my “sexy back” and  asking you to do your part as well.  Love yourself, love your partner, love your partners friend.  Oh wait, I take that last bit back.  That will get you in trouble and there is no need of that, unless its consensual of course.  I’m just goofing around again.  Wink, wink.

Ok loyal readers, there you have it.  My message this month is do something wonderful for yourself, sexual or otherwise.  Grab hold of some fun and make a memory.  I am going to see a live theatre show tonight with my lady friends.   Cathy Jones is performing a one women show here in Halifax and I am going to break out my Barbies and transform into a Friday Night Girl.

Until next month readers, stay fabulous!